As encouraging advice they say, " Theres always a rainbow after the rain." When will it stop raining? Its been raining for years but only above my head. Everyone around me, walks around happily and blind to life's or even just my suffering. Its blatant. How can they not notice that  I am uncomfortable in my own skin. A few stopped to tell me " to smile" but they don't stop and try to attempt to give me a reason to. But these are strangers, I needed him to help me. My loved one. The one whom I need most. The one whose opinion and love I need most and maybe only. He watches me hurt. Why wont he protect me? Shield me? I use to think I deserved the rain, I'd talk long walks in it in my misery. No umbrella, fully drenched, alone, and thoughts racing. But the misery is getting to me. I need to be rescued. They say its all in my head as if I chose to be sad and can turn it off like a light switch. But I don't choose to be sad, sadness as chosen me, taking over me.I don't want to feel this way. I am calling out for help. I am slowly withering away. When I die, I wonder if he will realize he could have saved me?